this is gonna be my last post in this blog.

no more blogging here already.

bye

=)

hey guys. sorry haven't updated for a long time.

well, this past week was a really terrible one for me. i don't wanna talk about it, but if any of you sees this, would you mind praying for me?? i'm kinda facing some problems now, and i'm scared.

exams are technically over. well, only est and mod maths (both objective) on monday. hehe, so kinda enjoying now. until the results come back though. hmm, don't wanna think about it. haha...must enjoy life first.

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you know what?? was thinking about some things. heard greenday's "wake me up when september ends". in it, the guy goes of to join the military sevice, he said that he did it for the both of them. so sad. they were so much in love.

***

friends are weird. sometimes, when you think you know a person, that person suddenly changes and becomes a totally different person. 180 degree turn. hypocrites?? liars?? or is it just who they are??

like, when you two meet, that person will warmly greet you with much enthusiasm, affection, as if you haven't seen each other in years, but as soon as you turn your back, that person is gone, has totally forgotten about you. ironically, someone whom you felt jealous of before remembered you. and she acknowledged you.

am i expecting too much again?? it seems like i am. high expectations only end in dissappointments. hah. i learnt that the hard hard way. it sucks...

***

i might be changing my bloggie soon. this one is getting a bit boring and dull......blehks.....time for a change?? soon i think. though i don't really care much for changes.

***

i feel weird. =)

you know what?? i think i get jealous easily. that irritating green-eyed monster keeps rearing its ugly head in the pits of my stomach. i feel like writing something.....

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once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a girl. oh well, cut the crap...

"one day soon, one day soon" she thought as she gazed wistfully at the person standing in front of her. thoughts ran through her mind at overtime. running and running, overlapping one another as they coursed through her brain.

a few hours before....

she feels ecstatic, yet at the same time, regretful, because she hasn't done anything in the past few weeks to let that person know what she is thinking about. but then, when that someone came up to her that morning and asked for her help, she looked up, and in that instant, all the feelings come rushing back.

"great," she thought, "just great. just when i thought i had run out of feelings, they come running back at full force". she agreed to help. in the rush of the moment, she only gave a one word answer. "hmph, stupid stupid me" she scolds herself silently.

the whole morning, she walked around in a daze, replaying that scene over and pver, going through her thoughts.

when the time finally came, she did her part. she stood up, she saw that person again. she starts thinking again, sub-consciously, the thoughts coming again. "one day soon, one day soon"

back to the present.....

as the person in front starts talking, she does her part. not very well, though, but good enough. after that presentation, the special person came back, starts walking towards the back, when suddenly, another person, B runs to her and starts acting spoiled.

suddenly, a monster reared up in her chest, starts roaring in anger, its roars filled with all the rage anyone can ever feel in one's life. she starts burning up, getting angrier and angrier, until.....

she turns away. it took all of her willpower to do that, but as soon as she turned away, as soon as that scene was out of her face, that monster quieted down. she feels calmer.

"one day soon" she thinks to herself again, "one day soon, i'll get rid of this monster in me. one day soon, that person will know..."

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i think i'm easily provoked.

blehks.....

i'm kinda down right now...

well, it's been 9 days since the last post. some things have been happening, well, up and around.

on friday nite, i went for the planetshakers concert in dumc. i met up with my friends in one of their house, and we went for dinner at kfc. then, when we went to the church, i bumped into a few old friends. i really really miss them. my last post, last year form 5s came back..on friday, i bumped into last last year's form 5s. i really missed them a lot. and one of the last year's form 5 too.

i learnt, i want to be like a baby. during the concert, the speaker, matt garner (i think) talked about something about babies. he said, that usually, when babies want something, especially on planes, they would wail as loudly as possible. they wouldn't care about the people sitting beside or around them. they don't care. they'll shout and shout and wail and wail until they get what they want. i want to be like a baby.

come to think of it, i have a few more illustrations of babies, can't remember where i got them from, but yeah...here they are.

in that illustration, that baby illustrates something along the lines as desperation. in this next one, it demonstrates faith.

you see, if a father puts a baby, young baby, on a table. high high table, and then the father steps away. when he calls to the baby to jump towards him, the baby will. even though how far his dad is from that table, his child will still jump to him, right?? see, this baby does not know yet of the pain he would feel if he falls onto the floor. but, he KNOWS his dad will catch him. he knows that his dad will never let him fall. even though he doesn't know of the pain, he is well aware that his dad loves him, and will never let any harm come to him. so, when the child takes that "leap of faith", he is "rewarded", blessed when his dad catches him.

persistence.

when a baby who is learning how to walk falls down, do you see that baby sitting on the floor and crying and wailing?? yes, maybe he will sit a while, but not long after that, you will see that excactly same baby getting up and walking towards his mom.

got this from a story.... :-

in a shopping mall, there was this little girl who was just learning how to walk. she tried to stand up, although wobbling a bit for a while, she managed to steady herself by holding onto a chair nearby. then, she took one step, two steps, and then suddenly, she falls forwards and bumps her nose onto the floor. she starts crying a while, and her mom picks her up, kisses her gently on the nose, and set her down on the floor again. the baby did not sit there, she got up again.

a few more tries. a few more bumped noses. a few more kisses from mommy. after that, she still stood up again, (see the persistence??) and this time, she wobbly made it to mommy's legs and hugged them. mommy picked her up with joy and being the proud mom she is, she smiled at her daughter, kissed her once again. (u can never outgive love)

yeah, desperation, faith, persistence.

there was also another thing, matt garner talked about the woman with the issue of blood (haha, bk student). he talked about it, and gave the message of desperation again.

see right, during that time, Jesus was pressed on every side. every where people bumped into Him as He walked to heal jairus' daughter, but there was this one woman. she touched just the hem of His cloak, and He felt it.

there are people pressing on Him on every side, and yet He felt it when somoeone, just one woman, touched Him ever so slightly. He sensed the power leaving Him. He sensed desperation.

that nite, matt posed this question to us, would we be like the baby?? who cries aloud, regardless of the people around him?? would we be like the woman who was desperate enough to touch His clothes??

would we be like the baby who jumps to his/her father whenever he calls to us?? would we be daring enough to take that leap of faith and jump straight into our Dad's loving, waiting arms?? would we be like that woman who is desperate enough??

i want to be a baby again.

my brother's litening to a song. it's meaningful. hear the lyrics. one or two of the stanzas though.

i believe that God can do it, i believe God can, sent down Jesus, love to prove it, i believe God can.

i believe that God can do it, i believe God can, touch my heart let love shine through it, i believe God can.

vege tales songs. cute. innocent voices singing. children. kinda reminds you of how innocence is like, right??

anywayz, i think i've written about it already. i feel a bit better.

i still wanna be a baby again. =)

luv y'all.......peace.....

so sorry for the long long gap between the posts. what to do?? sometimes no mood, sometimes no time to post, even though am online. anywayz.....

cf was kinda fun today. we had games, and it was like stations and stuff. oh, and some people came back. stefenie, keshia, jamie, amanda all came back. yeah man, really really miss them alot. was good to see them again.

today, something kinda happened. i'll tell it in story mode. not all characters, facts are real. some are fiction and some are fact, but mostly...it's up to you guys to decide. read on.

the day started out like any other, wake up, brush teeth, reading bible, do last minute homework (if there is), change, and go to school. but his day, it was special. she was involved with an ushering thing for an event her school was having. so, she went out with her friends to the designated place, to get ready. after much hustle and bustle, all the uniformed units were ready.

an hour or so passed by, with no sign of the honored guests, our girl decided to walk around and around, looking into the hall where it was going to be held, looking for some faces whom she wanted to see, looking for someone....

on her walk around the school, her search proved futile, so, she went back. when she got back to her place, suddenly she saw the face she was longing to see the whole week. and she couldn't take her eyes of that face, that someone whom she was searching for. when that person have passed her, went out of sight, our girl turned back into line. and not a moment too soon either.

soon, the guests started to come. she and her team gave their salute, and when the guests have pased them (she nearly fell into the drain at that moment coz it was to give more space for the people to walk pass), she went back to class. thinking about that person gave her peace, joy, as well as hurt, clashing opinions. but she couldn't stop these thoughts, no matter what she does.

the day passed on without much event after that. and soon, it was after school. it was time to go for cf. she went in, put down her bag, and went out to look for someone. on her way back down to cf place, she bumped into someone whom she hasn't seen in a long long time. and a few other people also were there, she missed them. missed talking to them, missed them a lot.

worship time came. our girl prayed, prayed that God will touch her and not let her lose her focus, that her focus would be on Him and Him alone, that no temptation will come and draw her away from her Best Friend. went well.......until...

suddenly, when she opened her eyes, she saw someone, someone standing directly in front of her. and she cried out to God, "no, why here?? why now?? why, of all the places, why here?? God, help me not to lose concentration on You, help me not to fall into distraction". but sometimes, even though how much we pray, God still lets us go through our tests to see how hardy we are.

anywayz, our girl decided to concentrate on God. and she tried with all her heart, but still, there was distraction, temptation in front of her. she closed her eyes, but in her mind, she could see that person. all the more she tried to concentrate on God. all the more she saw that person. she cried out to God, " o Lord, help me to worship You and not fall into temptation. help me o Lord, help me". with the most sincere heart she could have.

then, something wonderful happened. that person moved away. yes, even though that person was still in plain sight, the girl heaved a sigh of relief, shot up a prayer of thank to God, and continued worshipping God. yes, there were bouts of distractions again, but she did not really fall into them. she said thanx again to God after the worship session.

end

guys, yes, the story, or "story" is really brimming with fiction, and some facts. haha, feeling a bit creative today...hehehe. but i learnt one thing today. same concept as the story.

i learnt, that yes, God puts trials and tests in front of us, and no matter how many time we cry out to Him, sometimes, He won't take it away coz it's there to test us, to see how faithful we are. and anyway, God doesn't give us more than we can handle. He never does that, so, like what my cg superviser said early this year, whatever God puts in front of us is, most definitely "overcomeable".

God rawks man!!! He knows excactly how much we can and cannot handle, so He decides beforehand, and then gives it to us. it really does pain Him to see us in pain, or suffering, but these are a must, our faith, our courage, strength, and our love will grow more and more each time after these trials.

and today, there were times when i wanted to cry. but couldn't. i dunnoz, there are just so many pent up things stored inside, i just wanna release them all, y'know??

a friend's blog said, asked, what do we do when we are crying, and there's no one to turn to. what do we do when all we wanna do is run into someone's arms and cry and cry, but there's no one there. i think, God is there. He is always there. His arms are the ones we can run into when we wanna cry and cry anc cry.

these feelings, these emotions, all the stored up things, one day will be released. one day soon. with God's help. with His heavenly help.